Struggling Through Mud-like Conditions.

So I have been struggling with some deep and heavy stuff the past week...since I've been home. I had this really weird feeling for a couple of days, and I couldn't figure it out at first. I knew that things would be different when I came back, just because I had been gone for so long, but there was still something else that wasn't quite right. Sunday during church at CCF I finally realized what it was. It hurt so badly that I took that thought and shoved it to the back of my head, but it kept flooding into my mind all that day. I came to the realization that I don't belong here...and even I'm not quite sure what that means, so don't go around asking me. I know that I was lacking peace, and that is one of the most horrible feelings a person can have. I spent all day trying to figure out why, all day questioning God and trying to come up with my own answers. Either I really don't belong here and God is making that perfectly clear, or, he has taken away the one thing I was looking forward to the most (being home, and the feeling inside of knowing that you are wanted and needed, and that you belong) so that I would find my satisfaction in him alone. The more I thought about this, the more I concluded that I don't always find my satisfaction in God; I look to the things of this world, to people, and the situations I find myself in to determine if things are ok. It is so hard for me to admit that; I fail constantly in regard to relying on God and allowing myself to be fully satisfied with only him. After I thought about all of this, and about the things going on, I became very upset; I had no clue what to do. But today I had a revelation where I was able to put together everything that everyone was telling me, and all that God has been showing me through his word. God has a great purpose for my life, and while I may be completely clueless about all that is going on, all he calls me to do is be faithful. He will take care of the details along the way, and THAT is what gives me the peace that I have at this moment. My God is so powerful, and he is working through every situation in my life. I need to prepare myself everyday by asking God to satisfy me, and I need to be ready to follow his calling. It's your move God; mold my heart, keep me flexible, empty me, and draw me closer to you...I think I'm ready.