It's been years since I've written anything on this blog. I debated posting this for awhile, but feel called to do so and share my heart. I've grown tremendously over the last several years both personally and professionally. I've experienced God's grace in abundance in my life, and pursued my dreams and ambitions since high school and college. This post is the product of the most recent struggle in my life...understanding and thriving as a Christian nurse (with a sinful nature I battle daily) who is new to the challenging field of healthcare. This post is raw, flawed, and will probably show you how much I fail to live up to my calling on a daily basis. If you are a nurse, you may not hold the same personal beliefs about our profession as I do, and that is okay and I respect you for that. If you work with me, you may tell me that I don't live as gracefully as I aspire to, and that I'm not as loving or kind as the things I write here.
I would agree with you whole-heartedly. I am sharing this prayer full of emotions and temptations not to stir up controversy or make it seem like I am a great nurse or that I don't like my job, but to establish accountability with my fellow Christian nurses, to set goals and standards for myself at work, to encourage those new grads struggling like I am that we are in this together, and to remind myself on the hard days when I'm crying in the med room before 8am
the eternal perspective on why I chose to be a nurse.
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for giving me the strength and wisdom to complete nursing school. There were days that I never thought I would make it through, but You always provided. I know you have equipped me with the knowledge to be a good nurse, but I need emotional and spiritual equipping also. I need YOU. I am incapable of doing this profession in my own strength. Even on my best day, if You are not with me, I am scared to have the responsibility to care for others. God, there are days where I'm tired, I get frustrated too easily, angry, and offended when I shouldn't. I can be so prideful and self-centered, and sometimes I'm far less compassionate than I'd like to be. These are the days where I need the tug of your Holy Spirit on my heart to remind me of why I am a nurse and who exactly it is that I serve and care for on my shift at the hospital.
Lord I became a nurse because of the calling You gave me to care for the hurting, those suffering from the mental, physical, and emotional anguish caused by this fallen world. When people are experiencing the darkest day of their life, I want to be there with words of hope and compassion from You, a smile to brighten their day, deep understanding to empathize with their situation, and the clinical knowledge to make their life measurably better. I want to be able to hold someone's hand when they are hurting, to be a source of strength for the family dealing with hardships, to do mundane and seemingly unimportant tasks with grace/joy/patience, and to be able to tell my patients that it's all going to be okay.
Lord I also became a nurse to impact people's lives. While that is an incredible privilege, I whave a greater responsibility and a higher calling from You to impact their soul. Every patient entrusted to my care has physical needs that require my professional concern, but their "soul" or spiritual needs should generate my personal concern with a similar urgency. Whether that person's soul is seeking peace for facing death, someone to recognize and affirm their pain and struggle, encouragement to keep fighting, hope for the future, or possibly they have "the greatest need of the human soul--to know and have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, who breathed this universe into existence and unconditionally loves them and is willing to walk through the dark days ahead with them"--that is why I do what I do. I merely desire to be a compass, pointing hurting people and souls to You, the Creator of hope and peace. Many times this ambition is crushed by the chaotic and stressful requirements of my job. Charting so I don't get sued, carrying out doctor's orders, calming down confused patients, passing meds, keeping everyone alive, explaining (or defending) myself to angry and sometimes misinformed family members, and dealing with drug-seeking patients, alarms, unexpected problems, and heavy patient assignments all at once can be challenging. Lord, this is where I struggle and often times stumble in being a representation of You and the love you have for people. Sometimes I get my feelings hurt when patients or their family members complain about the care they are receiving because I didn't silence the alarm fast enough or bring their medications or discharge instructions on time. What they didn't see is the tearful room I just left of a patient diagnosed with terminal cancer, or the med error I caught that could have potentially harmed another patient, or the charting of a patient situation I completed so I wouldn't lose my nursing license--these are the things they don't see and understand Lord. What You are teaching me in this season of life is that it is the angry and ungrateful patients, the ones I am tempted to brush off and get in and out of their room as quickly and painlessly as possible, who need my compassion--Your compassion-- the most. It is hard to love the unloveable, to care for someone when they could care less, and to go beyond the standard of care when I am being manipulated and abused while doing my very best for my patients. I pray for grace and strength when working with such individuals, that I would treat them with respect, sincere concern, and compassion for the situation they are in and the way in which they are acting, even if I feel they don't deserve it. Who am I to judge Lord? I am a sinner saved by grace, and You love that person in the same manner that you love me. I may not like them, but give me the heart of compassion to impact their body and soul for an eternal significance.
Help me Father, to face the challenges ahead with integrity, wisdom, strength, and complete reliance on You. Give me grace when I stumble, forgiveness when I fail, and the courage to continue in this tough field of caring for people. Please align my heart with Yours, and fix my eyes with an eternal perspective of the impact I can make for Your glory as a registered nurse. May I love people deeply, and without return, as an overflow of my great love for You. Please help me to do what the hospital pays me to do, but more importantly, what You have called me to do.
