Christ in Me

We had our first official Pre-nursing student meeting last night where the dean of nursing told us what we needed to do to get into the program. Each year they accept 125 students into their program, and she said that this year there will probably be about 190 eligible students who will have high enough grades to make it. That means they will turn down 65 people, with high enough grades to get in, and it freaked me out a little. I know I’m smart and I have been working hard, but on days like last night I wonder if I’m good enough to make it…it’s just a though that has been lingering in the back of my mind all night. I know I can’t worry about it anymore, and I know I just need to forget about it and give it over to God, but that’s so hard for me. Trusting in his perfect will is not something that comes easy for me; I like to be in control of my future, and it’s a constant struggle every day. If he wants me to get in, I will. So simple, but I have a hard time accepting that.

In fact, there are a lot of things I am struggling with at college, more than I imagined. I never seem to get enough sleep, have enough time, study enough for everything, and have enough fun. Some days it seems like the day drags by, every painful second feels like centuries to my weary soul. Looking back at the five weeks I have been here though feels like it’s only been a couple of days, if that even makes sense. Sometimes I wonder why I left my simple life and amazing family to come here and pay a lot of my to stress myself out, then I remember that this is where I belong right now. I know I am here because my heart’s desire is to be a nurse, to minister to people through such an important job, and I know I am here at PCC because God has led me to this school and called me to this profession. He is stretching me all the time, encouraging me, disciplining me, and teaching me many lessons that are just making me a stronger person. Every trial and failed attempt at success is making me better, and shaping my heart for all of God’s wonderful plans he has in store for me. He is preparing me for the life he has planned for me, and while it seems so hard right now, I know I will face even more difficult situations involving more complicated problems later on in life. The only thing besides the grace of God that is getting me through the rest of the semester is HOPE. No not my dog, but the hope of making it, the hope of succeeding, the hope of growing into a better person, the hope of my best (together with God’s mercy) being enough to get me through. Colossians 2:27 says, “To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.” Because God lives in us, we have can have hope; because Jesus died for us, we can have hope; because God is so good, we can have hope. There is a song by Tim Hughes called “Everything” that I think is just amazing. The chorus is something like, “Christ in me, Christ in me, Christ in me the hope of glory, you are everything. Be my everything.” I want God to be my everything; I want him to him to be the only thing I desire. If I succeed at everything I am setting out to do in college, I will praise him. Even if I fail, I will still praise him. God’s got my back like no other; he knows what is right for me. I am going to give everything my all, and not only HOPE, but also TRUST in my perfect Savior.